Time works differently when you have children. Surely spring break finished just a few days ago? Yet half term holiday seems mere moments away. We’ve scarcely drawn breath after picking up the tornado-strewn detritus of playdate tornados. Our overdraft limits have been stretched beyond breaking point after paying for day trips awash in endless snacks and expensive entry tickets. Working parents have watched their salaries disappear into holiday camps that cost the equivalent of a small country’s annual national income. In the time it takes us to appease the banks, we are plunged back into the maelstrom of numerous school holidays including two bank holidays and half term. Don’t even mention the impending summer vacation, a prolonged form of torture atrophying our brains as we replay the same conversations ad infinitum:
Parent using most exhausted and exasperated voice: “How many times have I told you to get off the computer/games console/phone?” – “You’ve just had lunch, you can’t be hungry already!” – “Stop fighting with your brother/sister, why can’t you play nicely?”…
To which the child launches their offensive using a whining pitch better than any sonar weapon developed by army intelligence: “Just five minutes more pleeeease.” – “I’m bored!” – “There’s nothing to do.” – “What are we doing today?”, “I’m hungry, why can’t I have ice cream?”- “My brother/sister is annoying meeeeee.”
And it’s only day one.
We are expected to have the skills of a trained negotiator, advanced mediation skills, a diary of events that would put party planners to shame and the talents of a Michelin starred chef who can provide copious amounts of food day and night. Above all else, social media bombards us with daily posts daily Instagram pictures of your friends’ picture perfect families enjoying sitcom quality family time.
So for all the new parents sad that their firstborns will be entering full-time education in September, be warned or (for those nicer than me) take heart that your kid will spend more time on holiday than you’ll ever spend having me time again.
Before you reach for the Valium or order caseloads of alcohol from Amazon, let Renko help. We know your pain and we will be posting ideas for days out and creative activities during the holidays. Just click on Renko Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest and let us inspire you.
Or you can always send them to the garden while telling them that boredom is good for the soul. Then firmly close the door and fire up the computer, still hot after hours of game playing, and spend the money earmarked for some ghastly theme park on all the goodies for sale on Renko London.
Copyright by Sonia Picker